Why, hello there! It's been a while, hasn't it? The last time I saw you, you were knee high to a grasshopper, if I'm recalling it correctly...
Well, perhaps it hasn't been quite that long. Long enough that I'm going to be posting across two distinct years, though. I partially blame my technological difficulties for the delay, but mostly blame a crazy lack of energy brought about by the "season" and the fact that my credit card company strongly believes I should remain employed in order that I might continue financing the aforementioned season.
What follows is a random sampling of 2013 and 2014 and I won't promise any organization whatsoever. I never once claimed that the Wednesday Night Bullet Post would be anything easily understandable.
*Happy New Year.
*I thought I should get that part out of the way. It seems like the polite thing to do at this early stage of the 365 day allotment.
*This post is going to take a long time. The internets be slow tonight!
*It's the cold. We may have warmed up to positive digits but I suspect even the inter-web doesn't like it when its nose is sealed shut by its own frozen boogers...
*I had the most fabulous holiday break. Probably the best I've had in years.
*The way Christmas and New Years fell, combined with teacher workshops and a very well timed snow storm, I ended up with almost two full weeks off.
*And four days before Christmas landed to get stuff done!
*I was worried about Christmas. I felt extremely unprepared.
*I was relieved to have those days, especially the two that fell on weekdays when everyone else was at work and I could buzz through the stores without having to deal with the populace.
*When I started wrapping my gifts on Christmas Eve, I was still a bit worried. Did I have enough? Was everyone to be gifted or would I have to hide behind the tree frantically stuffing cash into envelopes that once contained utility bills in order to have something for those individuals I somehow managed to forget???
*I compensated with bows. Frilly, elaborate bows that would detract from my lack of preparedness.
*At 10:00 that evening, I began to recall the shopping I did over the summer. And that stuff I bought at the school book fair last fall. And those little "somethings" I saw and thought would be nice gifts for people as I went about the daily business of keeping my cupboards stocked over the past couple of months.
*Not to mention the baked goods, jellies, jams and whatnots that somehow got done when I had the time to create them.
*The bows got a lot less elaborate at that point.
*At midnight, my back was aching and my knees couldn't stand another moment of me being hunched on the floor over yards of wrapping paper. I started setting gifts aside for next year.
*By 1:00, I was finally done. The gifts were wrapped and packed for travel the next day and I vowed to never again leave this task for the last minute.
*I don't care who does it, but one of you is in charge of reminding me of this. I suggest you start nagging me in October just to be sure I get the message.
*I spent the rest of my vacation recovering from the whole Gift Amnesia Episode and enjoying the fabulous booty I brought home myself that day..
*And shopping. There was more shopping than is good for a person. Or a bank account...
*I saw The Cheerful Teaching Assistant last week. We were supposed to have two days of workshops before school started, but we only ended up with one due to the weather.
*I'm glad I caught her. It was her first day back after birthing her girl child.
*Of course, I forgot to bring the gift I purchased for the little bundle of joy. I blame the Christmas Eve wrapping incident.
*The CTA is doing well, very well. She looks amazing and motherhood suits her so well it almost makes me teary eyed.
*I sent the little girly outfits over to the high school via the school social worker who works in both buildings.
*Well...one little girly outfit and one almost girly outfit. And the other one with the skull motif on it because someone has to be mindful of the less girly side of things.
*I went to the mall with The World's Greatest Stylist And Life Coach the weekend before last.
*I was offered samples of cuticle oil by a Highly Confident Kiosk Person. I accepted them because she was French and Intimidating. Plus I like free stuff.
*Of course, this afforded her the opportunity to see the state of my nails which meant I had to endure a quick tutorial in the use of the multi-sided buffer tool.
*I know how to use a multi-sided buffer tool. I have one somewhere. I used to use it all the time, but I haven't been in a Nail Phase lately.
*Lately=Last five years.
*As she revealed my gleaming thumbnail and smugly awaited my gasps of shock and awe, I was pleased to inform her that I already possess the gear she was hawking in her firm French accent.
*Without missing a beat, she pierced me to the core with her steely eyes and barked, "Well, why aren't you USING it??"
*I bought a twenty dollar manicure kit. What else could I do? Vive Le France. Victory over the smug American who thinks she knows better.
*I'm afraid to go back to the mall now. At least not without nails buffed to a mirror shine...
*I went to bed at 11:45 on New Years Eve. Is that bad? It feels kind of like giving up.
*The Absurdly Gi-normous Kitty has become extremely aggressive about procuring foodstuffs now that he's realized the spray bottle I used to repel him doesn't contain acid.
*He literally shoulders me out of the way in order to get at what I am preparing.
*We have finally reached a compromise.
*Discards in the sink are his. Have at 'em. I don't care. Just leave the main course alone.
*This was particularly necessary during the holiday baking for obvious reasons.
*I might be used to a little cat hair here and there, but I don't want to inflict the extra fiber on my family.
*Note: the sink plan backfires horrifically when I'm attempting to drain pasta.
*How bad would it be if I drained my pasta in the bathroom?
*That's bad, right? Not cool at all...
*The Very Complicated Kitty proved himself to be the finest of roommates over the lazy vacation days.
*If you don't have a fat cat who is willing to let you put your feet on him while you nap then I feel sorry for you.
*You don't know naps. You think you know naps, but you don't.
*A fat, warm pile of purring cat on your feet while you nap is the epitome of restfulness.
*Look into it.
*Hey, guess what? My computer is working now.
*Hundreds upon hundreds of dollars worth of equipment were wrestled back into compliance with a ten dollar mouse and a twelve dollar keyboard.
*Bluetooth be damned. My computer, for reasons known only to its own circuitry, stopped talking to bluetooth.
*It will, however, communicate with off-brand cheapest-of-the-cheap hardware.
*Of course, this is the first time in years I've worked on a full sized keyboard and I keep typing backslashes.
*But that is a small price to pay. I can delete backslashes. Eventually, I will develop the motor memory necessary to type on this gigantic collection of keys.
*Or the computer will get over its quarrel with bluetooth technology and I can go back to the other stuff I paid a billion dollars for.
*I'd like to say that this will increase the frequency of blog posts, but I don't want to make rash promises.
*Let's cross our fingers and hope for the best. If nothing else, you can rest easy knowing that I can now cruise the internet and my monitor is finally showing something besides the view of my desktop I've been staring at in frustration for over a month.
Well, that's about all I have time for tonight. It's time to think about dinner and figuring out a strategy for arriving at work tomorrow clothed. It's only the first week back with the students and I figure I should be making the effort at this point.
It's a new year after all. They might have made an exception back when 2013 was winding down, but we're all supposed to be shiny and hoping for the best at the outset of 2014. I can risk showing up in my pjs later on, perhaps.
Best wishes to you all in this New Year and I'm looking forward to all the new bullet posts to come!
As the Heel Turns
11 hours ago